A Series of Shorts
by Monkey Ruler
Summary: Mostly fluff and humor. Fourth chapter: Castiel wakes up
1. Say Anything Destiel

**The Premise:** Everyone is in high school. Cas and Dean are dating, or have an epic bromance like usual, and have gotten into a fight. Sam takes advantage of this.

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><p>"Are you sure this will be successful?" Cas asks, looking so much like a wounded puppy dog that Sam wonders how on Earth such an angel ever got with <em>Dean Winchester <em>of all people.

"Just… Just trust me, Cas. He'll forgive you, I promise." Sam gives Cas a reassuring pat on the back and gives him the winning Winchester smile that never failed to win over many a heart.

"I do not know this Peter Gabriel person, though. He was not one of the artists Dean said were…" Castiel searches through his memory for the term, "Gods of rock."

"It's okay, he'll know it." Sam smiles reassuringly, and Castiel misses the mischievous glint in his eyes. "Now just press play and lift the boombox over your head."

Sam runs to the side of the house as Cas complies with his orders, and smirks as the boy stands there, boombox lifted over his head, in his signature trenchcoat.

"Your Eyes" starts playing loudly, loud enough to wake Dean from sleep, but not allowed to drown out the "What the fuck!" Dean lets out as he is woken up.

Sam watches the scene unfold, a lost Cas unknowingly impersonating Say Anything's John Cusack, Dean looking out the window like the swearing damsel he was. Sam knows he's in the clear when Dean bursts out into laughter and all is forgiven. It was a petty fight in the first place, nothing Cas' big blue eyes couldn't fix. Dean had a weakness for big puppy eyes.

Sam just couldn't resist.

The trenchcoat was _asking _for it.


	2. Like a Virgin

This is a soul-free Sam story.

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><p>The ghost-free damsel scrutinized the boys who just saved her life from her dead ex-boyfriend (always a tad unstable, that one,) and struggled to come to terms with what just happened.<p>

"Ghosts are real."

"Yup. And monsters and demons and angels." The tall giant said in a bored fashion. Was his name even Dave Hope?

"Oh." She says, blinking in shock, "That's... Are witches real too?"

She had watched the Craft last night, and if there really was a shitton of Fairuza Balk's in the world...

"Yeah." The attractive blond says in an attempt at a comforting tone.

"Crap." She responds, "So virgin sacrifices..."

"Just their blood, really, is what's important." The brunette says.

"Oh."

They are quiet for awhile, the brothers anxious to leave her.

"What are your real names?" She asks.

"Sam and Dean Winchester."

"Oh, those guys on America's Most Wanted? With the blurry mugshots?"

"Awesome." Dean coughs to himself.

"Listen, are you-" Sam is cut off.

"I am a virgin."

Dean looks shocked.

"You? Wha-but. Lady, we just dusted your violent, possessive _boyfriend_."

"And we were waiting until marriage."

"But-You told us you weren't religious."

"So?"

"But-marriage?" Dean says with a pained expression.

"Yes. I don't need a religion to be moral... Jerk."

"Bi-" Dean cuts himself off and shakes his head. "Sorry. So... You are a virgin."

"Not anymore I am. Who wants to take it from me?"

Dean chokes on air.

Sam smirks.

"Well, if you-"

"Sam!" Dean hisses at his brother.

"Dean!" Sam mocks back.

"Virgin!" She throws her hand up in the air, "I am not going to let some Fairuza Balk sacrifice me to her crazy Gods. So who's going to sex me up?"

"Dean." A rough, gravelly voice interrupts them, appearing behind them with a flapping sound. Like very powerful wings.

The man does not blink, and rather than wearing a suit and coat, they seem to hang off of him instead, separate from him. He looks at her for a second, and she is floored by the intensity of his eyes.

There are three of the sexiest men she's ever seen, right in front of her, and she is a frustrated virgin.

"Who's he?" She asks giddily, and Dean sends her a warning glass.

"This is Cas." He says reluctantly.

"Castiel." The man corrects, "I am an angel of the Lord."

"Oh. My God."

"Yes."

"Listen, lady, I'm sure you have a lot of guys in your life-"

"Do you know how small this town is? You think I'm going to just jump a man and not be labelled a whore the next day? No. One of you three." She smirks and approaches Castiel, "Is it true, Angels in America? Can you give me the orgasm of my life?"

"You.. No. Bad girl." Dean pulls the frustrated virgin away from Cas, looks at his brother, looks at the angel, weighs his options, and then finally hands the virgin off to his brother.

"I give up." He sighs, and drags Cas out of the room.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Yeah, we all love Dean's blue steel. But I am assuming they pulled in a favor and scrambled their records. I mean, with all of the big players they've had on their team over the years? That's a favor I would pull in.

Dave Hope is a former member of Kansas.


	3. Ghostwriter

The girl was haunted.

In the normal world, that would mean she was emotionally distraught. In the Winchester world, though, that meant that she was soon going to die.

The Winchester brothers had decided to take a break from their crazy angel dealings, and have a little ghost hunt instead. Several dead girls in the past several weeks. All blonds. All from the same school. Easy enough. Already the two "frat brothers" Dan and Sean discovered the serial killing sex offending dead professor, and had zeroed in on the pretty blond lit major as the next victim. Well, Dean had narrowed in. On her pretty blond looks.

Claire Jackson was a little spooked and all, but she's read book on spooks and considered herself pretty prepared. Just stock up on salt, lots and lots of salt. But those frat boys toting the big hunting rifles all menacing in their leather jackets? Yeah, they were hot, but she did not need that shit while she was defending her life from Mr. Werber's ghost.

She's sitting on her bed, rosary in one hand and salt shaker in the other. She was never religious at all, but her grandmother's care packages usually consisted of superstitious trinkets rather than cookies.

Someone knocks at her door.

"I'm studying!" She yells, not studying at all but instead focusing very intensely on the wall.

"It'll just take a minute!" A gruff voice yells.

She grabs the industrial-sized salt beside the bed and opened the door, ready to throw it.

"Who the hell do you two think you are? Give me one reason why I should trust you to come inside here."

"Because we deal with this kind of crap all the time."

"Oh really?" She stares at their serious faces, "And what is that crap?"

"Have you seen this man lately?" The shorter one asked, showing her a picture of the dead professor.

"So you two are the reason behind all of this."

"No, no, you've got it all wrong. Our job is to get _rid _of all this. There is a ghost _haunting _you." The sasquatch reasoned.

"You two don't go here, do you."

"Nope."

"What are your names? Really?"

"Sam and Dean." The taller one says, "Listen, I know that all of this sounds crazy, but"

"No, it doesn't sound crazy. It sounds fucking _cruel. _I'm honest with you and you're mocking me? Just because I don't know who the hell you guys are doesn't mean I'm going to believe you're the Winchester brothers, come to save the day."

"The-wait, we didn't tell you our last names."

"You didn't need to! Sam and Dean? _Winchester_? Carver Edlund's Supernatural books? I ask you for a real name and you give me a fake. Either you're crazy or you're mocking me."

"No, we-I-the books are-"

"Dammit Chuck!"

The short one looks to the sky and glares.

The two are officially deranged.


	4. Psych

~contains spoilers for season finale~

Castiel wakes up sore, battered, and in an awfully familiar bed of white sheets and poor cushioning. At first he believes he is in one of those overnight homes the brothers liked to stay in, but at a quick glance around the room he finds that he is in a hospital.

"Man, are you alright? I'm so sorry about that. Gus here-"

"I am a _wonderful _driver, Shawn, this guy appeared out of nowhere!"

"But you _were _speeding a little bit-"

"Because your foot was in my space and floored the gas!"

Castiel ignores the bickering and observes himself. Not only had he woken up, implying that he had slept. He was... barren. The thousands of souls crawling inside him, fueling him, had left him, taking whatever grace he had within him also. He was human?

Less than that. A shell, where a human should be.

Jimmy was dead.

This body... useless.

"Where am I?" He asks, knowing that these children would not know what had happened. He, himself, hardly remembers. The only thing really sticking in his mind being things of little consequence. Watery blue eyes. A whisper of a name.

"Santa Barbara Mercy Hospital." The shorter, louder one answered quickly before the bald one took the lead.

"Listen, I know you must be a little disoriented. But if you could tell us who you are, if there's anyone you need to call? The nurses couldn't find anything on you except for a book."

"A book?" Castiel asks, and the bald one hands it to him with Shawn whispering to him, "Nice choice."

The sixth Supernatural book.

He opens it with a puzzled expression, and sees that the front cover is signed.

"_Best of luck with your new life. Your oldest friend, Carver Edlund."_

_"Chuck."_ He hears in his mind with Dean's voice. A prophet of the lord.

God.

Why did he interfere only now?

"Hey, are you listening?" The short one asks, "He's gone, isn't he. Braindead. We killed him."

"Castiel." He says finally, looking up at them with wide, unblinking eyes and the short one can't help but 'aw' quietly to his friend. "I need to contact my," He pauses, furrowing his brow. After all that had happened, all that they had one to each other.

He gathers his courage and looks again at the two.

"My friends."

The two blink at his conviction.

"Um, alright. The phone's right there."

He turns and notes that, yes, a phone is there, and dials the familiar number he has had memorized for more than a year and waits for it to ring.

"Yeah?" The harsh voice asks, and Castiel is silent for a few moments.

"Dean. It's me."

There is silence on the other line, and Castiel chooses to elaborate.

"I'm human."


End file.
